Learning to Fly

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There have been times over the last eight years when I have wondered if I got a little carried away my last year in the classroom. My fourth graders grabbed the opportunity to transform into PIRATE learners who were soon deciding on superhero names to fit the unique strengths they would offer the world. Was it too much? Did it stay with them? Admittedly I worried that after so many years, some of my students might even think it was a little silly.

When you choose an unconventional path, you take the risk of living days, weeks, months, and even years sprinkled with judgement. Yet when we stay on the ground and stick with comfort, we risk missing a chance to discover what we didn’t know was possible. Here is what I learned recently at Hopkinton High School’s graduation. My students remembered. Their families remembered. All of it.

I had been nervous. I hadn’t seen these amazing kids in four years and for some, it had been longer. I was able to join a few former colleagues, scoring a seat in the second row, which honestly made me even more nervous. Yet as I watched each of my students accept their diplomas, a deep sense of pride captured my whole being.

What took place immediately after was nothing I could have anticipated. As I waited in the cafeteria, an hour of embracing students and families swooped in with laughter, tears, and hugs that I will remember for the rest of my life. Parents shared stories about the impact being a part of “Crew 202” still had on their children years later. I learned that having confidence to take risks (inspired by the PIRATE movement), spreading the “You Matter” movement (inspired by Angela Maiers), and unleashing their strengths (inspired by Lourds Lane) had indeed made a difference.

I discovered that at eighteen years old, my students were still talking about the music video Lourds Lane and Richie Calvache so brilliantly created and with innocent giggles, they spoke to me about their superhero names. I learned that as their friends watched them perform in the gym at the end of the year, sharing talents and announcing their superpowers, they eagerly wondered what is was like to be in our class. I had the honor of meeting two students who sat watching that day. We smiled and hugged. Feeling what it was like to experience our special event in the eyes of others was indescribable.

On graduation night, I had been tempted to wear my superman shirt instead of the black dress I chose in order to blend in with my former colleagues who were all in caps and gowns. I believe a part of me may always regret this wardrobe decision. What I will never regret is joining my students in an unforgettable journey, one that I know now was not a result of getting carried away, but rather one where together, we learned to fly.

Below is the music video mentioned above, one I will always hold close to my heart. The posts I write over the summer will be dedicated to lessons I learned from a one of a kind crew of now high school graduates and I could not be prouder to have been their fourth grade teacher.

It took one person to encourage me to write my first blog post and since then, I have decided to keep writing about anything I’m truly inspired by.  This led to writing a Lead Like a PIRATE series guidebook, Lead beyond Your Title: Creating Change in School From Any Role. My last crew of fourth graders will always remain the heart of every page.

I Get to be Here

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Two years ago, Teresa Carney, my principal and friend, gently nudged me to try a workout that frightened me. I had been walking my dog, dancing in the basement, and practicing yoga. It took her kind persistence to convince me to finally give it some thought. Weeks later, with a surprising dose of excitement I decided to attend my first “boot camp.” Over three hundred camps later, I have carried with me a lesson I never expected to learn while working harder than I ever imagined. Toward the end of a particularly tough camp, everyone in the room was visibly tired. With perfect timing, our trainer, Juliana, said something like this: 

“I know it’s hard, but try changing your mindset from “I have to be here” to ” I get to be here.”

It wasn’t magical, but I somehow gained the burst of energy I needed and started to feel fortunate to be able to do this kind of workout. Layered with imperfection, I have tried my best to have the “get to be here” mindset since. Fortunate enough mentally and physically to be able to show up to school with invaluable support from my colleagues, I recognize that I am in a place where I can make intentional impact. Five words have become a simple reminder with incredible potential that I’m still discovering.

I get to be here has allowed me to pay attention. I have found myself more in tune with noticing people around me, opportunities for connection, and ideas that might just knock my socks off. On my most challenging days, I have entered school happier, greeted students with more energy, and as a colleague has said many times, “What we put down, they pick up.” I have never agreed more.

I get to be here encourages me to be “here” as me. I wouldn’t survive the whole forty-five minutes if I didn’t modify half of it. One day, Dee, our trainer that camp, could tell I was feeling strange about what I was doing. She came over to me and said, “Nili, just because you’re doing it differently doesn’t mean you aren’t working as hard.” I now see getting to be here as something that if we do in its entirety requires courage. Everyone enters “here” differently and “I” is the leading word we must not ignore. What a beautiful opportunity we have to model for our students and colleagues that different is fabulous.

I get to be here has empowered me to let go of the past. My softball teammates and I probably did every strength and conditioning exercise imaginable in the 90’s. Although I have wonderful memories, I seem to remember more my limited knees, achy muscles, and chest on fire. I feared a similar experience and although many days my body doesn’t work with the ease I would like it to, I am creating new memories unattached to the old ones. It’s easy to say “no” to what we associate with the past in a negative light, yet it can hold us back from new experiences that we (and our students!) should not miss.

I get to be here has taught me that “here” can be any space that makes sense for us whether we can touch it or not. Whenever we choose to share our work, our passions, and our stories, we enter a space where judgement can coexist. It can be hard. It can be a punch in the gut. Yet remembering that we built up the courage to open the door and walk in is everything.

I get to be here gave me a chance to discover strengths I didn’t know I had. I can actually do pushups. An exercise used as punishment once upon a softball team, one I executed terribly, is now my favorite part of camp. The feeling you get when you learn you can do something is a feeling I would like to spread as often as absolutely possible to those around me.

I get to be here reminds me how lucky I am to be able to wake up every day and go to work. If we are that lucky, each day is a possibility to do something for others. As soon as our kids started preschool, my husband and I tried our best to communicate to them a message we still repeat today. It goes something like this:

We know you will learn. We know you will do your best to follow directions. Look for the kids at recess who are playing alone and invite them to play with you.

Our country has a lot of work to do to make sure all kids are safe and we can play a role in voting for those who will fight for their safety, supporting organizations working to change our gun laws, and letting ourselves feel the heartbreak that accompanies these senseless acts. I also go back to a thought from our SEL and Equity Director to help me keep going in my own work even when I am overwhelmed by thinking of those who don’t get to be here because of unthinkable violence. To combat the hate and injustice we see and to make positive change in our society, the most important foundation we can provide is making sure every human being in our space knows they belong.

We make moments every day and if even one interaction can have a better outcome because we took a sentence and exchanged one powerful word for another, I believe it matters. And we cannot forget the importance of those who have been “here” before we decided to join them. Brittany was the first trainer I had and made me want to come back. She has been smiling and cheering me on along with Dee and Juliana for two years. In fact, Burn Boot Camp in Framingham, MA is full of people who show up and support each other creating an environment you want to be a part of, a place where “I get to be here” quickly transforms into “we get to be here.” How awesome is that.

It took one person to encourage me to write my first blog post and since then, I have decided to keep writing about anything I’m truly inspired by.  This led to writing a Lead Like a PIRATE series guidebook, Lead beyond Your Title: Creating Change in School From Any Role. I look forward to dedicating the next few posts to the adventures my last crew of fourth graders (who will be graduating in June!) inspired me to take with them as their wisdom will always remain the heart of every page.

Choosing to Own Our Stories

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I recognize that “stories” is a topic I write about often. Sharing them is certainly something I believe in wholeheartedly. We can deepen relationships, create positive change, and make our schools and communities better. The longest story I have shared is one that begins with elementary students who will soon graduate from high school, who taught me through the risks they took that mine were worth taking.

Four years ago last month, Lead beyond Your Title was ready to be in hands other than my own. An opportunity a year and a half earlier had opened its arms and I jumped at it after giving permission to a wave of nausea. Based on posts I had written, about the potential in leading from every role and the power in leading with our students, I set out on a mission I never imagined.

Recently I had the honor of joining Steve Barkley on a podcast episode called Students Leading Professional Development and I was lucky enough in that he wanted to follow up with an episode on the book. In preparing for it, I decided to relive each chapter as I have done before and emotion joined me as it always does. When we write our stories, we capture moments that were once alive, that carry life still, and that are forever a part of us.

Challenging traditional definitions that come with our titles, I do my best to offer encouragement to lead beyond them, to show up as who we are because the world deserves nothing less. Each section includes ideas inspired by students and colleagues, moments of celebration, and certainly imperfection. In fact on more than one occasion, what I chose to share has been judged which is never easy to swallow.

I have made the choice to own it, the messy experiences mixed with those times in my career that stopped me in my tracks, because they were just that good. I am fortunate in that I’ve had the chance to continue living my message through the chapters of my book, those I have written since, and those I have not yet discovered. I’ve learned over the past few years that the stories we give to the world are not supposed to be perfect. They are supposed to be ours.

My brave students who I had the honor to teach eight years ago and those I get to share space with now are and will always be the heart of my journey. If we work with kids in any capacity, we have a chance to model owning and sharing our stories. Our courage alone might just be enough to inspire our students who are living in a world that needs their courage.

Here are three quotes from Lead beyond Your Title that will always serve as motivation to show up as me and to keep sharing. I hope you can grab whatever fuel works for you. It matters.

“So please, regardless of your role, keep doing what you are doing and remember to always and relentlessly passion up.”

“Know whom you can reach out to for support-the people in your life who know you, love you, and believe in you. Having a bandage plan ready and waiting might just give you more courage to share.”

“Those who are willing to dance with you or who inspire you to dance will embrace your unique rhythm as well as your crazy moves. Surround yourself with these people every day, near and far, and never ever forget to believe in who you are.”

In honor of my SuperPIRATE seniors who will graduate in just a few months, I have provided a few of their quotes from the book as well and a one minute video of this one of a kind crew receiving a copy of Lead beyond Your Title (delivered to them by my own children) when they were in middle school. I am also dedicating the next few posts to the adventures they inspired me to take with them as their wisdom will always remain the heart of every page.

“As the days went on, it didn’t seem like school anymore. It seemed like hanging out with our new family. It’s crazy how in the beginning of fourth grade, we made this simple goal of having the ‘Best Year Ever’ and literally, we had the best year ever! It became something bigger than us.” -Casey

“I am making sure that I matter in 2016 by not forgetting my superpower-being bold. I’ve been taking a lot of risks and am not afraid to stand up for myself anymore!” -Angie

“I smile to everyone to make sure everyone is motivated.” -Kyle

“I noticed that since I identified my superpower, I felt a change in everything! I have been more positive and a lot more happy with who I am.” -Libby

It took one person to encourage me to write my first blog post and since then, I have decided to keep writing about anything I’m truly inspired by.  This led to writing a Lead Like a PIRATE series guidebook, Lead beyond Your Title: Creating Change in School From Any Role.

The Teacher Next Door

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If someone had told me in 2004 when I started teaching with Beth Houf that one day she would receive the National Principal of the Year award, I would have wholeheartedly reacted with, “Of course she will.” There was something unique about my amazing friend and mentor that stood out even then. Her level of talent, passion for education, and fight to do what is right for kids were and always will be remarkable.

When I was recently in Washington DC, for the famous first pitch at the Nationals game, I found myself explaining to several principals how I know Beth. What I realized is that I seem to tell the same story, that I started my career with her before moving back to Massachusetts, that she was hard to keep up with, and that we planned everything together and had a blast. Yet I usually don’t go into much detail. As I thought more deeply about what I would say if I did, it hit me hard that the lessons I learned in the first two years of my career drive me today even more than I realized. So I will do my best to capture them in this post.

Strive to be a Forever Learner

If you know Beth, you know she reads at warp speed and takes it all in. Her hunger for knowledge even years ago was contagious. Her lessons were always based on research and best practices as she was not only reading, but attending conferences and pushing herself to present (and convincing  me to join her!).  I learned from Beth the importance of soaking up and sharing ideas and stories to grow, connect, and enrich our lives as well as the lives of others.  As someone who did not like to read as a child, I learned to find the joy as we were constantly reading and discussing books with students to expand their world and ours.  “Yo Yes?!” was certainly a favorite and I still read it today. 

Make Students Leading the Norm 

When we have the perspective that we are meant to learn and not only teach, it opens the doors to empowering our students and colleagues to lead with us and to even lead us. Every time I visit Fulton, Missouri and pass by the speed limit sign in front of the school  in which we taught, I am blown away by the fact that our students convinced the town to lower it.  Beth could not only whip up a lesson plan like nobody’s business, she was exceptional at challenging students to use their strengths and passions to make meaningful contributions, to lead change. Whether it was being on the budget,  research, or poster committees, or even presenting at the town meeting, every student found a role and led together. As you can imagine, students were invested to show up and so were we.

Honor the Unique Stories of Others

I would show up at school many mornings before Beth. I was there too much, putting unnecessary pressure on myself. She would come into school after taking care of Paul, who is now a senior but was just a baby then, an adorable one. One day she was running late and had some spit-up on her shirt. I’m pretty sure I talked her ear off about school, asked her questions, and most likely drove her a little crazy. I am not exactly sure when I realized this, but it was a wake-up call to tune into the idea that we are all coming from a different place. If our drive to do well surpasses our empathy for each other, we need to call ourselves out and do better. I would like to say this is what I did soon after and it certainly helped me in future moments to catch myself, take a step back, and honor those in front of me.

When You Can, Have a Crazy Good Time

I believe that Beth was always a PIRATE. Whether we were hyping up classrooms jobs which of course came with applications, asking students to act out the cardiovascular system, dancing to our “line up” music (I can still hear the songs), putting on musicals, dressing up as museum curators, or throwing rolled up socks at each other to make up for not having a snow day (and so much more!), we had FUN. We also made time to socialize outside of school, including a Sunday night ritual of planning and watching the Sopranos.  And there is a whole lot of fun in traveling to conferences with your colleagues.  We may have never discovered our passion for sushi, Thai food, and playing the same math game over and over for hours. 

Take Care of Your People

Beth taught me that hugging students, helping them after school, pulling small groups as often as it took to help them succeed, and making time to talk with them one on one were all invaluable.   She took care of her students, inspired me to do the best I could to take care of mine, and she certainly took care of me.  So when I was nervous about walking into my first classroom stocked with big old Mac computers, a Smartboard, and a document camera, her outlook was simply “Don’t worry. You’ll learn and I’ll help you.” This is where my passion for technology began.

Today, as a veteran educator, I know with every ounce of my being that what I learned during my adventure in the classroom with Beth remains a huge part of who I am. I developed a passion for reading, writing, learning new ideas, and attending and presenting at conferences.  Co-designing experiences with students and colleagues is why I show up and I am incredibly passionate about student leadership. Valuing the stories of my colleagues and students is at the heart of my work every day and I love to use technology to elevate their voices. I absolutely love any time I have with my colleagues inside and outside of school and I look forward to every outing we have. I care deeply about the kids and adults I work with and am unafraid to have fun, be human, and be there for them however I can.

We always hear that a future president of the United States could be sitting in our classroom. This statement holds so much power and inspires us to honor every student, their contributions, and their potential. Writing this post has reminded me to do the same for our colleagues. If the teacher next door can become one of the most recognized educational leaders in the country, we should probably be talking to them as much as possible! And why not the colleagues down the hall and those on the other side of our buildings. I try to do this as much as I can but admittedly there are people I never see and I need to do better. It might just change us. We might just change each other.

Beth, you will only continue to do big things and I couldn’t possibly be prouder of you, but a part of me will always see you as that teacher next door and I will always be grateful for the lessons you taught me.

It took one person to encourage me to write my first blog post and since then, I have decided to keep writing about anything I’m truly inspired by.  This led to writing a Lead Like a PIRATE series guidebook, Lead beyond Your Title: Creating Change in School From Any Role.

When You Can Refuel at School

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I don’t remember such a crazy time in education and although no life is the same, we are living stories never written before. In my last post, An Unwritten Map to Impact, I wrote about honoring our daily journeys and allowing them to guide us to a destination. This post honors the idea that sustaining the energy necessary to make the impact we desire can be challenging. I have learned the importance of self-care outside of work and like many New England educators heading back tomorrow, am grateful for the last nine days. I have also discovered the power in being able to refuel at school.

Giving Students the Wheel So They Can Give to Others

One of my favorite questions is one John Spencer has asked, “What am I doing for students that they could be doing for themselves?” I would love to offer an additional question. “What I am doing for students that they could be doing for others?” I recently decided to coach about twenty 7th graders to create a class with me. Our WIN block is titled, “Digital Leadership” and I am challenging these young leaders to use their strengths, passions, curiosity, and drive to make a difference to positively influence our school community.

I can’t wait to write more about our journey together.

Regardless of your role, and no matter how big or small the adventure, there is nothing like gaining energy from our students and all they have to give. Whether co-designing a class or club, trying Innovation Time or Genius Hour, joining forces for a kindness challenge, or simply taking five minutes to ask students what they would like to change, the fuel they provide doesn’t just energize our purpose. It gives them purpose and that changes everything.

Steering Into the Hard

The week before vacation handed me a mental toll I hadn’t felt in years. Talking with colleagues would mean I would need to admit the difficulty of the week, that it might be seen as complaining, and something perhaps I was struggling to handle. As passionate as I am about finding and making moments of joy, I decided to give myself permission to steer into the hard. I had conversations with teachers and principals I will never forget. I learned, moved on, and took with me energy that may have otherwise been depleted. Sometimes we find fuel on an unexpected road and learn to make room for every person willing to ride with us.

Giving Yourself the Green Light

After revisiting Brené Brown’s segment on “The Man in the Arena Speech” from her Ted Talk, Power of Vulnerability, I knew this year, my “one word” would be arena. Not only does it inspire me daily to show up as me, but I am confident that colleagues, students, administrators, and the families in our communities will only thrive with all we have to offer each other. Whatever it is that drives you, that tells you to go instead of stop when self-doubt and fear creep in, I encourage you to use it as often as possible.

It’s not fancy, but reminds me every day to show up with courage.

With all that is currently going on in the world, I realize how fortunate we are if we are able to find energy and the mental space to use it. My hope is that we can share it as we never know the impact unless we try. This post was intended to capture a few discoveries that are helping me and I will do my best to write more soon. I wish anyone reading this health, safety, and happiness as we continue 2022 the best we can.

It took one person to encourage me to write my first blog post and since then, I have decided to keep writing about anything I’m truly inspired by.  This led to writing a Lead Like a PIRATE series guidebook, Lead beyond Your Title: Creating Change in School From Any Role, which is on sale now at Amazon.