I Get to be Here

Two years ago, Teresa Carney, my principal and friend, gently nudged me to try a workout that frightened me. I had been walking my dog, dancing in the basement, and practicing yoga. It took her kind persistence to convince me to finally give it some thought. Weeks later, with a surprising dose of excitement I decided to attend my first “boot camp.” Over three hundred camps later, I have carried with me a lesson I never expected to learn while working harder than I ever imagined. Toward the end of a particularly tough camp, everyone in the room was visibly tired. With perfect timing, our trainer, Juliana, said something like this: 

“I know it’s hard, but try changing your mindset from “I have to be here” to ” I get to be here.”

It wasn’t magical, but I somehow gained the burst of energy I needed and started to feel fortunate to be able to do this kind of workout. Layered with imperfection, I have tried my best to have the “get to be here” mindset since. Fortunate enough mentally and physically to be able to show up to school with invaluable support from my colleagues, I recognize that I am in a place where I can make intentional impact. Five words have become a simple reminder with incredible potential that I’m still discovering.

I get to be here has allowed me to pay attention. I have found myself more in tune with noticing people around me, opportunities for connection, and ideas that might just knock my socks off. On my most challenging days, I have entered school happier, greeted students with more energy, and as a colleague has said many times, “What we put down, they pick up.” I have never agreed more.

I get to be here encourages me to be “here” as me. I wouldn’t survive the whole forty-five minutes if I didn’t modify half of it. One day, Dee, our trainer that camp, could tell I was feeling strange about what I was doing. She came over to me and said, “Nili, just because you’re doing it differently doesn’t mean you aren’t working as hard.” I now see getting to be here as something that if we do in its entirety requires courage. Everyone enters “here” differently and “I” is the leading word we must not ignore. What a beautiful opportunity we have to model for our students and colleagues that different is fabulous.

I get to be here has empowered me to let go of the past. My softball teammates and I probably did every strength and conditioning exercise imaginable in the 90’s. Although I have wonderful memories, I seem to remember more my limited knees, achy muscles, and chest on fire. I feared a similar experience and although many days my body doesn’t work with the ease I would like it to, I am creating new memories unattached to the old ones. It’s easy to say “no” to what we associate with the past in a negative light, yet it can hold us back from new experiences that we (and our students!) should not miss.

I get to be here has taught me that “here” can be any space that makes sense for us whether we can touch it or not. Whenever we choose to share our work, our passions, and our stories, we enter a space where judgement can coexist. It can be hard. It can be a punch in the gut. Yet remembering that we built up the courage to open the door and walk in is everything.

I get to be here gave me a chance to discover strengths I didn’t know I had. I can actually do pushups. An exercise used as punishment once upon a softball team, one I executed terribly, is now my favorite part of camp. The feeling you get when you learn you can do something is a feeling I would like to spread as often as absolutely possible to those around me.

I get to be here reminds me how lucky I am to be able to wake up every day and go to work. If we are that lucky, each day is a possibility to do something for others. As soon as our kids started preschool, my husband and I tried our best to communicate to them a message we still repeat today. It goes something like this:

We know you will learn. We know you will do your best to follow directions. Look for the kids at recess who are playing alone and invite them to play with you.

Our country has a lot of work to do to make sure all kids are safe and we can play a role in voting for those who will fight for their safety, supporting organizations working to change our gun laws, and letting ourselves feel the heartbreak that accompanies these senseless acts. I also go back to a thought from our SEL and Equity Director to help me keep going in my own work even when I am overwhelmed by thinking of those who don’t get to be here because of unthinkable violence. To combat the hate and injustice we see and to make positive change in our society, the most important foundation we can provide is making sure every human being in our space knows they belong.

We make moments every day and if even one interaction can have a better outcome because we took a sentence and exchanged one powerful word for another, I believe it matters. And we cannot forget the importance of those who have been “here” before we decided to join them. Brittany was the first trainer I had and made me want to come back. She has been smiling and cheering me on along with Dee and Juliana for two years. In fact, Burn Boot Camp in Framingham, MA is full of people who show up and support each other creating an environment you want to be a part of, a place where “I get to be here” quickly transforms into “we get to be here.” How awesome is that.

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It took one person to encourage me to write my first blog post and since then, I have decided to keep writing about anything I’m truly inspired by.  This led to writing a Lead Like a PIRATE series guidebook, Lead beyond Your Title: Creating Change in School From Any Role. I look forward to dedicating the next few posts to the adventures my last crew of fourth graders (who will be graduating in June!) inspired me to take with them as their wisdom will always remain the heart of every page.